Why Your Relationship Anxiety Isn't Getting Better

Don't see the video above? Try this link: https://youtu.be/uzTAcZ6pqDQ

What I’ve noticed in folks who are having pervasive relationship anxiety (you may relate to this as obsessive thoughts of leaving your relationship or being left, anxious/avoidant or fearful attachment, or Relationship OCD) is that talking about their obsessive thoughts in therapy or problem-solving around the thoughts can often make the issue worse.

Not because talking about your feelings is wrong or bad!

But because you might be skipping over something more subtle, more vulnerable underneath what is ultimately a control issue and lack of self trust.

By focusing on the problem and trying to fix it you are likely missing or overriding an embodied sense of fear that is so deep down (or so scary to think about!).

Example: You get really fixated on trying to stop your obsessive thoughts about breaking up/being broken up with by weighing the pros and cons of your relationship or trying to justify why you are right or wrong for each other....but that's the realm of our thinking mind.

Our thinking mind tends to only strengthen our protector parts and defense mechanisms. Underneath the protection is a voice that is afraid of something that might not be rational at all. Perhaps this small part of you fears losing yourself in relationship or being abandoned (lots more to say and comb through here, come to a session and let yourself maybe even be a little surprised about what is hanging out deep in your body and subconscious). This tends to be a feeling, a collection of sensations that are nonverbal like incomplete physiological responses to stress and early traumas.

Relationship Anxiety is highly complex and nuanced struggle, but it can be WAY easier when you’re working with someone who gets it. Come see me at indelicatecoaching.com I’m a Somatic Intimacy Coach and I specialize in supporting perfectionist and over-thinkers  to help them get out of the loop of anxiety and back to their natural state of love. #avoidantattachmentstyle #anxiousattachmentstyle #relationshipanxiety #embodiedhealing #rocd #couplescounseling